Three Months

I looked back at my vanilla blog and determined that Faust and I started "Dating" on February 18th, by my reckoning, at least. So that means that as of this Sunday, we will have been dating for three months! I've been his submissive for three months. And he's been my Dominant for three months.

And these three months have been fantastic.

It seems kind of silly to sit here and type out how I'm so in love with him. But I am. It's been a time of much change, a lot of tedious and unpleasant things have gone on. And through it all he's been there for me. He's my rock, always telling me that I'll be fine, and that I'm capable of handling it. And I am. Even when I'm freaking out over nothing, he's calm and patient and in control. Which, to me, is the best sort of Dominance.

I don't expect him to be patient beyond the limits of human capability. I'm just consistently amazed at how calm he stays even when things get trying. Even when I'm having a worryfest. He just says, "Okay." And it is.

I'm very fond of the film "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". I'd rather not spoil it here for those who haven't seen it, but the essence of it is that love is nothing more than saying "Okay." Okay to who your partner is, their weaknesses and their baggage. Okay to what the future may bring, good or bad.

It also reminds me of a passage in a book that I like very much. It's from a book called The Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson. The passage is a flashback in one of the character's lives to the time when he had his wisdom teeth removed. His wisdom teeth were so huge, so deep and so gnarly that he went from one oral surgeon to another trying to find someone who would remove them. One after another told him their insurance simply wouldn't cover an operation of that scope. Until finally he went to an oral surgeon who was known to be both very good, and something of an idiot savant. His assistants had to remind him to do things like eat lunch and sign paperwork, otherwise they simply wouldn't get done.

This oral surgeon put the x-rays up on the light box. He looked at them. And instead of the usual histrionics, like "OH GOD WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS" or "Aren't you in incredible pain?", he looked at them and said, "Okay."

The teeth were removed. It was a long, tiring procedure, for which our hero was unconscious. When he came to, his mouth was packed with gauze and the oral surgeon was splattered with blood and looked like he'd just survived a battle. He informed our hero that the charge for tooth extraction varied depending upon the difficulty of the operation, and that in this case, he would be charging the maximum for all four.

And his mouth eventually healed. And the pain and the pressure were gone. Our hero compares this to the relief he feels upon discovering the woman he loves. A subtle but persistent pressure has finally been released.

That's kind of how I feel a lot of the time. It took me long enough, but it finally happened. I'm finally doing what I've always wanted to. Getting into the lifestyle in the first place was immensely exciting. But without a partner to share it with, it was always just short of truly satisfying.

I'm still kind of amazed. Where did all this awesomeness come from? It seems like I just turned around and there it was. There he was. I think in the back of my mind I had a clue, going back to when we met almost three years ago, that we'd be good together. But we both had to come to this place by our own paths. I feel so lucky that we did.