The Ah-Ha Moment

What the hell kind of play party breaks up before midnight? I'm appalled at the lameness of it. Normally I'd be perfectly fine with continuing to play as others start heading for the door, but it did seem to be almost everyone, and it was Dr. Faust's first time playing in this group.

Even though we didn't get to play that much, I had a very significant moment. When Dr. Faust asked me to say what I am, and I replied that I'm his whore, it felt different. Normally that sort of thing is just hot to me, and I enjoy it. It's especially exciting to hear it coming from him, but he likes to hear me say it, and I enjoy that too.

But this time, it felt different. It felt more like a statement of fact. I was completely in touch with the submissive side of myself, and had no doubts, no ambivalence about it. I'm his, and I'm happy to be so.

I had a second revelation today. Last night he teased me mercilessly and left me feeling very horny, which will remain in effect until Friday. I started thinking about the Sleeping Beauty books, and the blanket rule about slaves and sexual pleasure, i.e., none whatsoever unless their captors say so. And obviously, that's not just as a form of discipline. Part of the idea is that the slaves are kept in a state of constant arousal, because it makes them more fun to play with! I hope restricting my orgasms means that I am more fun for him to play with. In that sense, it lends a whole new dimension to being kept horny. It's not just pleasing to him because it torments me, but also because it ultimately brings him greater pleasure. Isn't that lovely?