The "lady" part.

When I started this thing I really wanted the address to be just chained.blogspot.com, but that was taken. So I added "lady" in there and it was ok. Sometimes I do things like that without even really thinking about it.

I believe the reason "lady" popped in my head was because back in high school I saw a book by Piers Anthony at the local library called "Chaining the Lady."



I don't think I ever actually read this book. I think that was probably because the library's collection was kind of hodge-podge and they didn't have the first book in the series.

But for some reason, the title stuck with me. Some completely unfathomable, unearthly reason.

But what of this word, "lady"? How much of a lady am I, really?

Anyone who has played with me would know that whatever else it might mean, the connotation of a lady as a chaste woman is certainly not appropos. In fact, few things fuel my submissive fire like the words "slut", "whore", "dirty nasty fucktoy", etc. I'm not chaste, and I really enjoy being reminded of it. I love getting my sluttiness recognized and used against me.

But in another sense, I'm all about being a lady. In my mind, a lady is a grown woman who knows what she is about and has some semblance of social skill. A lady is a woman who treats others properly. She avoids indulging in rudeness, whether provoked or unprovoked. She is capable of both giving and receiving compliments, and never stoops to petty or ugly behavior, even when she's not having the greatest of days herself. In other words, she behaves herself.

I believe in etiquette. I don't practice it perfectly, by any means, but I believe in its value. Etiquette is a tool for coping with the reality of other human beings and putting aside things that would otherwise get in the way of what's important. For instance, when meeting a new person in a public place, it behooves one to focus on the other person for a minute and resist bombarding them with personal information. It also behooves one to resist prodding or provoking them with politics, religion or other inflammatory subjects. This is so that we can focus on making a new acquaintance. Ask a neutral, not-too-personal question: "Do you live nearby?" "How long have you known Mutual Acquaintance?" This is so that you can experience a small amount of conversation with them and get to know whether you would like to have more conversation. If not, just politely excuse yourself and walk away.

Miss Manners, of whom I'm quite fond, would say that it's vulgar to discuss the things I do in a public forum. But this is where she and I are just going to have to disagree. Though I believe in etiquette, I also believe in free expression. And I also believe in paying attention to time and place. Anyone who is offended is free to refrain from reading. I don't discuss the finer points of D/s with my family or in front of children or elderly people. I am aware that not everyone wants to know, and I respect that. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop talking about it.

There's limits to being a lady, after all.