Fun with Locks

On Saturday, I presented Dr. Faust with a brand new ball gag, as well as keys to my apartment, attached to a key ring with the keys to all of my padlocks. He likes locks.

In keeping with that theme, he's come up with a delicious plan for us. I am to obtain a small box with a lockable latch and a padlock. Into the box will go two pieces of paper. On one piece will be written something I do not want but agree to in the event that I lose. On the other is something I want and will get if I win. I lose by giving up the combination, and win by not telling it. He gets to come up with ways to convince me to tell, and he'll have a certain amount of time within which to do it.

Coming up with ideas for the winning and losing activities is really quite difficult. I have tons of ideas for the winning one - but which one to pick? Should I be ambitious? Go for something he might otherwise be less than enthused with? If it's something he would certainly approve if I asked, does that make it a less attractive choice? But then, do I really want to choose something he would not choose himself?

This is shaping up to be a valuable thought exercise.

The losing activity is even tougher. Having to volunteer something that works as a disincentive is not easy. Many of the things that are hard limits for me are hard limits for him, as well, so those are all out. Things that are not hard limits are often things I really enjoy, so how much of a disincentive would that be? Similarly, if it's something I would readily give him whenever he asked, it's not very effective.

It speaks to some of the dilemmas at the core of D/s. Is it in the nature of D/s for the submissive's desire to please the Dominant to surpass all other desires? Is it in the nature of D/s for the submissive to eliminate those desires that are incommensurate with the Dominant's wishes? Some would say that is a doormat and not a submissive. I would add also that if the submissive has no desires that conflict with the Dominant's wishes, what is the point of submission? I feel it appropriate for D/s to involve a conscious act of submission - a choice. But then, why do we make that choice? Unless we are truly codependent or otherwise emotionally damaged, we choose it because it fulfills us in some way. We gain something we would not gain by simply acting on our own desires.

I would enjoy making myself climax as often as I please, I'm sure. There have been times in my life when it was nearly a daily thing. But in submitting that choice to Dr. Faust, I gain something much greater. Does that gain negate the act of submission? Or is the choice in and of itself the fact that matters, and not the consequences?

At any rate, this is shaping up to be quite fun, and thought-provoking.

The event itself is sure to involve some resistance and force, which I find quite thrilling. It's a very different headspace for me, so I am a bit nervous and unsure how I will behave in that situation. It's something of an opportunity for me to let the inner SAM have her day of fun - being "bad" to provoke a greater response, more restraint, more rough treatment. But it's always hard to say how it will unfold in reality. Dr. Faust is, as usual, committed to thorough discussion beforehand and being safe, both physically and mentally.