The First Post - The Final Frontier

1999. That was the year I moved to a new state, started grad school, broke up with my college boyfriend, and embarked on the ever-expanding journey that is BDSM.

My first encounter was with a doctor who cooked dinner for me and, now that I think about it, wasn't really all that kinky, and probably thought young, impressionable women into kink would be good conquests. But we did have a good time together.

But actually, that wasn't my first experience. The first experience happened several years earlier, in college, with a young man who turned out to be incredibly bad news. But he did tie me to that horrible metal dormitory bed. He did a fine job of it, too, using nothing but some old scarves I'd been saving up. Then he performed oral sex. My head nearly exploded.

But I'm skipping over some really good stories to get to the important one. In 2000, the local BDSM club was planning what would become their first major annual event. In January of that year I had gone to Boston with some friends for NELA's Fetish Fair and Fleamarket. I met someone there, at the weekend-long house party where we were staying. Little did I know at the time, he had come with someone else, and I was branded a Dom-stealing hussy.

I know it seems strange to say about someone I'm not sure if I had sex with that first night, but he was a gentleman. He owned his own tech consulting business, and listened to interesting, obscure music. I liked him a lot. We carried on long-distance for a while, visiting each other several times. We played. He made a mini-video of himself flogging me. During that time, he gently influenced me by making healthy meals for me and taking me out for walks. He also sent me flowers and shaved my privates for me.

I never thought of it as D/s. I just liked what we did. He was planning to visit me for the local club's big annual event. We had a costume picked out... he was going to be a devil in a nice suit, and I would be his angel on a leash. I was so excited.

Then the call came. His kid needed him, and his ex-wife and kid lived in another country. He had to go, and didn't know when he would be back.

I was brokenhearted. I went to the event by myself and managed to have a good time. But it was a long time before I would consider being anyone's submissive. And in time, I despaired of finding any Dominant I could live with. I met people and played, but there was always a problem, especially with Dominants. Too many were misogynists, or dull, insipid men with no sense of humor. Or, if they were decent people at heart, we had nothing in common besides our interest in BDSM. I began to think that the person who turned me on and the person I could stand to live with would never be the same.

I fulfilled a lot of my kinky nature by switching. I played with submissives and co-topped at parties. I discovered the unbridled fun of teaming up with other women to torment a hapless bottom. I had fun. But I ended up looking outside the scene for romantic relationships, dropped out of the scene, and eventually came back. I had begun to have panic attacks, and decided that I needed kink for the release.

D/s vs. Protocol: My dilemma unraveled

"I don't do D/s". That was my catchphrase. What I am now realizing is that much of what I thought of as D/s was actually protocol. Sit like this, stand like that, call me Grand Poobah, always stand on my left side at a 45-degree angle and never, ever begin eating until Grand Poobah is served. A lot of my early exposure to D/s was through Goreans. They were fond of saying things like, "Master never does anything for himself." And, frighteningly, "Master never uses condoms." I sincerely hope most Goreans do not follow that last one. It gave me a bad impression. I thought, I never want to do that, if it means putting up with such nonsense.

Dr. Faust is not a big fan of protocol. He wants to have control over me - not squeeze me into a tightly defined role, or a purple-cape experience, as the charming people at Submission and Coffee would say. You'll never see me write, "i" or "Y/you" or anything like that. I tend to capitalize "Dominant", and Dr. Faust gets capital letters, but that's about it. There may be some small things that would be fun to try, but that's not the point. Also not the point is making me less than what I am. I'm a full person, not a slave, and not a sub-unit of his life. I have my life, and the point of D/s is to make it richer and fuller.

After eight years, I feel I've come full circle. And after hearing about what the lifestyle is and isn't from so many people, I know full well that D/s is what Dr. Faust and I want it to be. As I offer him control over myself in increasingly significant ways, I plunge into the lifestyle in a way I haven't done before. The final frontier. I could not be more excited.